Cometh the hour, cometh the Sam. The Three Lions are set to welcome a new king. He's big, honest and ain't afraid to stick it in the box. Sam Allardyce is tasked with transforming a team with little confidence, little morale buts bags of potential, a position he's found himself many times before and flourished. He's not foreign, he hasn't won a major title, but here's why we can't help but love him.
1: He Ain't Sugar Coatin' Nuffin - "All this tippy-tappy stuff, it's a load of bollocks." Big Sam isn't afraid to say it how it is. How refreshing would it be to hear an England manager not beat around the bush, just to come out and do a press conference like he's sat in a pub with a pint of Guinness and a steak and ale pie? Which is what Big Sam has for every meal, every day, apparently.
2: He's Genuinely Quite Frightening - He'll bring back the good old fashioned British bollocking, don't you worry about that. They'll be no "unlucky Jordan, you hit the first man from a corner for the 15th time this half" or "Unlucky Raheem, you forgot to track back again", none of that. If you ain't pulling your weight, Big Sam ain't got time for you sunshine.
3: He's Got Moves - You need moves.
4: He Had a 70's Porn Star Tash - The only thing wrong with that tash is that it's no longer on his face. Get every member of the 2018 World Squad with one of these magnificent specimens on their upper lip and we'll be winners before we've even kicked a ball.
5: He Laughs in the Face of Divers - Diving is for Jessies and Big Sam will out you as the cheating little girl that you really are.
6: He's Different to FA 'Yes men' - You'd go for a pint with Big Sam. Roy Hodgson would say he'll go for a pint and then pull out an hour before you were supposed to meet. England needed a change in character. Mentally, things were stale. Allardyce isn't a puppet for the FA, he's a man who'll bring his own personality to the team. He'll shout, he'll swear and he'll get players fired up. Let's hope he smashes out that fear factor.
7: He Used To Be Harry Styles - More of an observation than a reason to jump on the Big Sam bandwagon. Is long ball Big Sam's One Direction? He claims not so, but it's always handy to have a plan B. Even if Andy Carroll comes stumbling out of the shuffled pack more often than not.
8: He Shares a Wardrobe With Jeremy Clarkson - That's a man who's comfortable with who he is. No nonsense. Half Clarkson/Half used car salesman.
9: He Ain't Scared of No One - Jose Mourinho? Jog on. Big Sam is a real presence in the dug out. The complete opposite of Hodgson and McClaren. When things aren't going a players way, who would you rather see in your dugout? Allardyce stands up for himself and his players. He's popular with the media and has the character to handle the media pressure that comes with the England job.
10: He's Passionate & Respected - He's managed big names and unpredictable personalities. Djorkaeff, Jay-Jay Okocha, Ivan Campo, Nicolas Anelka & Fernando Hierro all bought into his footballing philosophy and Big Sam got the best out of them. And if that fails, at the very least he'll inject real passion into the job, a slice of Premier League temperament. A sight we've longed for, for far too long in an English dugout now. The timing is perfect for Big Sam, whether it's perfect for England, time will tell.
Now look deep into his eyes, feel warm and safe, and have hope that one day everything is going to be alright.
