It’s the time of year when we all scramble around to get a gift for our loved ones, but swooping in to bail us out, with a fresh wave of quite frankly dreadful merchandise in their ‘Christmas Gifts’ category page on their respective online stores, are our favourite clubs from across Europe.
In amongst the christmas jumpers, baubles, club-branded wash kits and deodorants (we still don’t get how they determine the smell of said items) and unbelievably expensive chocolate (priced as such simply because the wrapper says your club’s name) there’s a selection of gifts courtesy of our favourite teams. From the peculiar to the practical, we’ve scoured their sites to bring you the weirdest (shitest) gifts for Christmas 2019.
Tottenham Hotspur – Starting off with an essential bit of kit for the kitchen of any self respecting Spurs fan. But don't you dare put anything in here except shortbread biscuits, or Bongani Khumalo will be after you. A steal at just £5 though.
Crystal Palace – "Is he bald?" "Yes." "Is he Attilio Lombardo?" Hours of fun to be had with Crystal Palace's own variation on the classic Guess Who game. Bit of a push asking £24.99 for it though if you ask us. If you fancy it though you can get it here.
Celtic – Celtic hit the festive period hard this year, releasing their own christmas song that also doubled up as an advertisement for all the christmas merch that they had added to their online store. Needless to say that there was plenty of choice, but we plumped for the Novelty Elf Slippers, complete with bells on the toes. Available for £12 here.
Bayern Munich – If there's one club that just keep on giving, it has to be Bayern Munich this festive season; the German club winning christmas with an unbelievable list of club-branded gifts. We were tempted to include the toolkit, birdhouse, barbecue spice, snuff box, but we couldn't get away from the idea of dipping our christmas nibbles into some melted cheese, prepared in our very own Bayern Munich Fondue set. Brilliant. All yours for €69.95.
Juventus – Sticking with the kitchen theme and Juventus have this festive apron. It arrives as part of a garish collection in which all items are adorned with the "Christmash-up" slogan... Cringe, but at least the colours are christmassy. Get it here. Or not.
Bournemouth – We purposefully avoided including christmas jumpers on this list, but there was just no way we could not have this... monstrosity. If you can find someone as odd as you to share this with then you can both get in the bin with it. If, by some strange reason, you want this, you can get it here. Weirdo.
Southampton – Sticking on the south coast, and the Saints have the answer if you're suffering from chapped lips. Just what every true Saints fan wants for Christmas, right? The fact it doesn't specify any type of flavour or scent leaves us on the somewhat skeptical side. Because any true Saints fans would rather burn in the depths of hell than moisten their lips with a non-club branded lip balm. Still, if you're willing to take the risk you can get yours here.
AC Milan – You can never be too safe, especially at this time of year, and AC Milan have provided a way of showing your support for the Rossoneri even when you're on your bike, son. Really well designed, but understandably with a price tag to match. Sons of Anarchy, AC Milan style. Get it here.
Real Madrid – Take the Bernabeu with you wherever you go... blah blah blah. Yeah, product description for these could write itself really. But in amongst some of the dross out there, these actually aren't that bad. Available here.
Manchester City – Got to say that this one baffles us. The Alpha 1Pro Robot comes in at a staggering £500. And once you get it out of the box, there's not even a hint of any City branding. Described as the "first humanoid robot for the family", we still don't really know what it's capable of. At the very least it better be able to make us a cup of tea for that price. All well and good until it turns on humanity when it becomes sentient. If you have more money than sense, you can get yours here.
Manchester United – Completing the Manchester set, and United's partnership with Remington has provided numerous electrical grooming products, complete with the Manchester United club crest. So next time you're straightening your hair, you could leave no one in doubt abut where your loyalties lay... Yours for £70.
Final date for a Christmas delivery is fast approaching, so if you want that fondue set for some festive feasting you better get ordering, quick.
